Drunken Housewifery

SURVIVAL OF THE LOOSEST

2008-03-09T21:16:00.003-05:00

check out the site ....

cloacalkiss.blogspot.com

4 LOOSEY GOOSEY. CISSY KISSY.

In other cases, promiscuity is simply a matter of survival. Male chimpanzees, for example, have been known to kill infants not their own. Frequent sex with several males -- in one 15-minute period, a female was observed having sex with eight males -- can heroically confuse paternity and act as insurance against harm to her offspring.

But while females are busy ensuring their genetic survival by sleeping around, males have not been idle. After all, female promiscuity puts the genes of males at risk. It's no good being Don Juan, seducing all the females in sight, if none of them uses your sperm, Judson says. So males have developed counterstrategies to ensure their genetic survival.

"This is perhaps the most significant discovery of the past two decades, that male and female attributes coevolve," writes Tim Birkhead, professor of behavioral ecology at the University of Sheffield in Britain and author of "Promiscuity: An Evolutionary History of Sperm Competition."

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the human penis may be a bore, but the the human vagina is a boar.....

WRIGHT ON!

2008-02-07T20:22:00.000-06:00

PLEASE VISIT MINNEAPOLISFUCKINGROCKS.BLOGSPOT.COM

Cooking With Feminists - Playlist And French Onion Recipe

by: April Wright

Not to get all maternal on you, dear readers, but I worry about your eating habits. So, I've put together an easy, quick, fairly healthy recipe that every one of you can make. To motivate you, I've objectified a band or solo artist as each ingredient, so you can make beautiful music while you make delicious food. This recipe for French onion soup serves about 3, more if you have a side dish.

2 teaspoons unsalted butter: Download: Sharon Jones - "100 Days, 100 Nights"
2 tablespoon vegetable oil: Download: Antony and the Johnsons - "For Today I Am A Boy"
2 pounds onions (I prefer white onions because they don't make my eyes water so badly): Download: The Mountain Goats - "Sax Rohmer #1"
3 garlic cloves, minced: Download: Wilco - "Radio Cure"
1/2 teaspoon salt: Download: Jason Collett - "Out of Time"
2 tablespoons flour: Download: The Go! Team - "Grip Like A Vice"
6 cups vegetable broth: Download: Cassettes Won't Listen - "Paper Float"
1 teaspoon Dijon mustard: Download: Flogging Molly - "Within A Mile Of Home"
1 teaspoon wine vinegar (optional)
About a third of a baguette, ripped into small pieces: Download: Neutral Milk Hotel - "King of Carrot Flowers"
Gruyere or regular Swiss cheese to taste: Download: Of Montreal - "Penelope"
1 beef-flavored bullion cube (These can be found in the Mexican aisle in most grocery stores; they're completely vegetarian): Download: Robyn Hitchcock - "Olé Tarantula"

1) Chop up your onions. I recommend cutting them in half, which makes it easier to peel the skin off. When peeling an onion, you just need to remove the outer couple layers so the onion feels smooth to the touch. Once the skin is off, chop the onion so you have semi-circles of onion. The comparison between an onion and the Mountain Goats is obvious: while they may taste good, there is nothing but tears inside. I chew a piece of mint gum to combat this fact.

2) Put the butter and one tablespoon of the oil in a saucepan and melt. It'll get all smooth, much like Sharon Jones and Antony and the Johnsons. Then you add the onions.

3) Mince the garlic and add it to the onions. If you have a garlic press, use that instead. Much like Wilco's "Radio Cure," the flavor of garlic is released best when crushed. Add the salt, as well.

4) Now, put the mixture on medium heat and cook until the onions are brown and tender (about 20 minutes). You might have to add a little water to keep them from sticking to the pan.

5) Add the second tablespoon of oil and the flour. Notice how the flour sticks right to the onions and won't be shaken, much like the way the Go! Team sticks in your brain. Cook another 3 minutes or so.

6) Now add the broth. It's filling and winter-y, like the new Cassettes Won't Listen track. If you want, you can add the bullion cube at this point, too. It takes great without it, but if you're craving more of a meaty flavor, beef-flavored bullion will give you just that. Also add the mustard, here represented by Flogging Molly, because let's face it, Dave King is one salty, bitter looking dude. Let it simmer about 15 minutes on low heat. While it simmers away, preheat the broiler.

7) After 15 minutes, dish out the soup into oven-safe bowls. Pile in your croutons and put the cheese on top. Gruyere cheese is sharper than Swiss, so bear that in mind when selecting your cheese. Now put bowls on a cookie sheet and put them into the oven until the cheese gets to be golden brown and bubbly (about 4 minutes). Be careful not to touch the bowls for a couple minutes when you take them out…they're very hot.

8) Enjoy, hopefully.

(April Wright)

"While no medications were taken in excess, we learned today the combination of doctor-prescribed drugs proved lethal for our boy,"

2008-02-07T20:19:00.000-06:00

A MESSAGE FROM THE DRUNKEN HOUSEWIVES OF AMERICA!

DONT MIX YOUR PAINKILLERS!

oh and who will be @ heath's funeral.??????

"Among those reportedly due to attend are Ledger's "Brokeback Mountain" co-star Jake Gyllenhall and a former girlfriend, Australian model Gemma Ward." - STAR FUCKING TRIBUNE

HAVE A SMOKE WITH BARRY>>>>

2008-02-05T15:09:00.000-06:00

I'm to busy cleaning the kitchen and getting tipsy to vote in the caucus. Have a smoke with Barry!

New research says preventing obesity and smoking, while it saves lives, does not save money.

Dutch researchers today released a paper saying that from age 20 to 56, obese people racked up the most expensive health costs. But because both the smokers and the obese people died sooner than the healthy group, it cost less to treat them in the long run.

If this sounds at all familiar to you, it may be because this is the defense the tobacco industry tried to put up in the landmark case in Minnesota, won by attorney Mike Ciresi, who now is running for Senate.

The state was trying -- and succeeded, as it turns out -- to recover the cost of treating the the illnesses of smokers. The tobacco industry intended to argue that there weren't extra costs in the long run, because the smokers died. But the judge in the case ruled the industry could not make such an argument.

It was called "the death credit argument," according to a 1998 report from MPR reporter Elizabeth Stawicki.

"That's one of the most absurd rulings in these cases I've ever seen anywhere, that you will keep evidence away from a jury because it's horrendous," said Phillip Morris attorney Peter Bleakley at the time. "There is absolutely no question whatsoever that cigarette smokers do not cost more in health care than nonsmokers. The net cost is less, but we're not allowed to present that evidence because we would be taking advantage of the fact that our product kills people.

“I always had brains on my arms,” she said...

2008-02-05T13:29:00.000-06:00

this is why the drunken house wives dont use spam in our casseroles and hot dish(es)...

A Medical Mystery Unfolds in Minnesota

MAYO FUCKING CLINIC

Published: February 5, 2008

(Page 2 of 3)

As each head reached the end of the table, a worker would insert a metal hose into the foramen magnum, the opening that the spinal cord passes through. High-pressure blasts of compressed air then turned the brain into a slurry that squirted out through the same hole in the skull, often spraying brain tissue around and splattering the hose operator in the process.

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Nate Howard

ILL Susan Kruse, 37, worked at Quality Pork for 15 years but for the past year has been too sick to work. “I had no strength to do anything I used to do,” Ms. Kruse said. She had not known that her illness might be related to her job.

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Nathan Howard

Susan Kruse, a former employee, being treated at Austin Medical Center.

The brains were pooled, poured into 10-pound containers and shipped to be sold as food — mostly in China and Korea, where cooks stir-fry them, but also in some parts of the American South, where people like them scrambled up with eggs.

The person blowing brains was separated from the other workers by a plexiglass shield that had enough space under it to allow the heads to ride through on a conveyor belt. There was also enough space for brain tissue to splatter nearby employees.

“You could see aerosolization of brain tissue,” Dr. Lynfield said.

The workers wore hard hats, gloves, lab coats and safety glasses, but many had bare arms, and none had masks or face shields to prevent swallowing or inhaling the mist of brain tissue.

Dr. Lynfield asked Mr. Wadding, “Kelly, what do you think is going on?”

The plant owner watched for a while and said, “Let’s stop harvesting brains.”

Quality Pork halted the procedure that day and ordered face shields for workers at the head table.

Epidemiologists contacted 25 swine slaughterhouses in the United States, and found that only two others used compressed air to extract brains. One, a plant in Nebraska owned by Hormel, has reported no cases. But the other, Indiana Packers in Delphi, Ind., has several possible cases that are being investigated. Both of the other plants, like Quality Pork, have stopped using compressed air.

But why should exposure to hog brains cause illness? And why now, when the compressed air system had been in use in Minnesota since 1998?

At first, health officials thought perhaps the pigs had some new infection that was being transmitted to people by the brain tissue. Sometimes, infections can ignite an immune response in humans that flares out of control, like the condition in the workers. But so far, scores of tests for viruses, bacteria and parasites have found no signs of infection.

As a result, Dr. Lynfield said the investigators had begun leaning toward a seemingly bizarre theory: that exposure to the hog brain itself might have touched off an intense reaction by the immune system, something akin to a giant, out-of-control allergic reaction. Some people might be more susceptible than others, perhaps because of their genetic makeup or their past exposures to animal tissue. The aerosolized brain matter might have been inhaled or swallowed, or might have entered through the eyes, the mucous membranes of the nose or mouth, or breaks in the skin.

“It’s something no one would have anticipated or thought about,” said Dr. Michael Osterholm, an epidemiologist who is working as a consultant for Hormel and Quality Pork. Dr. Osterholm, a professor of public health at the University of Minnesota and the former state epidemiologist, said that no standard for this kind of workplace exposure had ever been set by the government.

But that would still not explain why the condition should suddenly develop now. Investigators are trying to find out whether something changed recently — the air pressure level, for instance — and also whether there actually were cases in the past that just went undetected.

“Clearly, all the answers aren’t in yet,” Dr. Osterholm said. “But it makes biologic sense that what you have here is an inhalation of brain material from these pigs that is eliciting an immunologic reaction.” What may be happening, he said, is “immune mimicry,” meaning that the immune system makes antibodies to fight a foreign substance — something in the hog brains — but the antibodies also attack the person’s nerve tissue because it is so similar to some molecule in hog brains.

“That’s the beauty and the beast of the immune system,” Dr. Osterholm said. “It’s so efficient at keeping foreign objects away, but anytime there’s a close match it turns against us, too.”

Anatomically, pigs are a lot like people. But it is not clear how close a biochemical match there is between pig brain and human nerve tissue.

To find out, the Minnesota health department has asked for help from Dr. Ian Lipkin, an expert at Columbia University on the role of the immune system in neurological diseases. Dr. Lipkin has begun testing blood serum from the Minnesota patients to look for signs of an immune reaction to components of pig brain. And he expects also to study the pig gene for myelin, to see how similar it is to the human one.

“It’s an interesting problem,” Dr. Lipkin said. “I think we can solve it.”

Bundt Is Back

2008-01-28T13:39:00.000-06:00

Taste: Bundt is back

Steve Rice, Star Tribune

Tunnel of Fudge

Break out the pan. It's time to reminisce -- and bake.

By RICK NELSON, Star Tribune

Last update: January 23, 2008 - 5:53 PM

Thank goodness for CBS. Cable television serendipity struck again a few weeks ago when I picked up the remote control and shazam: One of my favorite scenes from "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" popped up.

It's the moment when Toula and Ian's different-as-night-and-day parents meet for the first time. The mother of the groom-to-be (Fiona Reid, a paragon of Midwestern reserve) is bearing a baked good for her earthy Greek immigrant hostess (the supremely splendid Lainie Kazan), who looks at the brown blob on a plate in wonder.

"Thank you," asks Kazan. "What is it?"

"It's a Bundt," says Reid, matter-of-factly, signaling a linguistic volley.

"A boon?" Kazan asks, feeling her way through an unfamiliar word.

"Bundt," replies Reid, a bit put off. Who hasn't heard of the Most Famous Cake in America?

"Bu-bunk?" says Kazan, growing more puzzled.

"Bundt," counters Reid.

"Bun-teh," replies Kazan.

The confusion continues until Kazan finally clues in. "It's a cake, I know," she exclaims, and the culture-clash tension dissipates. Then Kazan turns away from Reid and whispers, scandalized, "There's a hole in this cake."

Gets me, every time. That lazy afternoon of channel surfing proved to be a fortuitous catalyst, because I suddenly began seeing Bundts everywhere. They were filling coffeehouse pastry cases. Friends were serving them at parties. Co-workers were bringing them to the office. Then author Susanna Short's helpful "Bundt Cake Bliss" (Minnesota Historical Society Press, $16.95) showed up in bookstores, and its pages began to taunt me, like a little paperback siren song, calling me to haul out my Bundt pan.

So I did. In no time at all I had an orange-cranberry beauty. An apple butter version was even better. I was on a roll.

In the back of my mind I knew that it was only a matter of time before I tackled the recipe that catapulted the Bundt pan into the cupboards of millions of American kitchens: the Tunnel of Fudge Cake.

Tale of the tunnel

Its backstory has the makings of a Hollywood blockbuster. Forty-two years ago this month in the ballroom at the San Francisco Hilton Hotel, 49-year-old Ella Rita Helfrich of Houston was about to embark upon a lifetime dream and ascend to the home-cooking Mount Olympus: the Pillsbury Bake-Off.

For her brownie-like chocolate cake, Helfrich relied upon a few secret weapons. One was pecans; a cherished pecan tree was her back yard's centerpiece. Another was Pillsbury's Two Layer Double-Dutch Fudge Buttercream Frosting mix, a product being emphasized at that year's competition. Finally, there was a novelty known as a Bundt pan, a fluted and scalloped aluminum tube pan modeled on a ceramic European "bund" cake pan. It was manufactured in 1950 by an enterprising Minnesotan, H. David Dalquist, a chemical engineer and founder of Nordic Ware of St. Louis Park. Dalquist added the "t" and wisely trademarked the word "Bundt."

The Bake-Off, which got its start in 1949, had mushroomed into an extremely effective recipe launch pad. Helfrich was about to take off like a rocket headed for the moon. "Sensational Tunnel of Fudge Cake $5,000 Busy Lady Bake-Off Winner" read the ads in Pillsbury's subsequent promotional blitz. Within a week, Pillsbury was inundated with 200,000 requests from consumers -- a vast number in that pre-Internet age -- asking where to find the baking pan with the peculiar name.

Nordic Ware, which had been quietly making the pans for 16 years, unexpectedly found itself with a monster hit on its hands. To date, the company has sold more than 50 million original-model Bundt pans. Pillsbury jumped on the Bundt bandwagon, too; for most of the 1970s, the company cranked out a line of boxed Bundt cake mixes.

The Tunnel of Fudge Cake didn't walk away with the 17th Bake-Off's blue ribbon. The $25,000 grand prize went to Mari Petrelli from Las Vegas for her Golden Gate Snack Bread. Helfrich didn't profit from her recipe the way Nordic Ware and Pillsbury did, although her $5,000 runner-up prize wasn't exactly chump change; in 2007 dollars, its value would be around $32,000.

Helfrich's daughter, Patricia Gullo of Houston, loves her Bundt pans ("I own several different shapes, although I like the original the best," she said), but she doesn't sugarcoat it when it comes to the bakeware company and her mother's role in its enormous success.

"Nordic Ware didn't do a lot for her," Gullo said. "Over the years, they sent her two or three pans." In 1999, Pillsbury had the good grace to include Helfrich as one of the first 10 inductees in the Bake-Off's Hall of Fame.

Helfrich, now 91, lives with her daughter and is recovering from a bad fall a few months ago. In the years following her brush with fame, Helfrich continued to submit recipes to the Bake-Off, although lightning never struck twice.

But this is a story with a sweet footnote. Back in 1966, when Gullo was 19, she accompanied her mother to the Bake-Off. Eight years ago, the roles were reversed, with Gullo as the Bake-Off finalist and Helfrich as the escort. Gullo's Parmesan Spinach Roll-Up didn't win, but she got to bring her 83-year-old mom back to the event -- coincidentally also held in San Francisco -- that made her sort of famous. "I tried for four or five years to get in, just so I could get her back, and I finally made it," said Gullo. "It was an awesome experience. She got more attention than anyone else."

And the Bundt pan? It went on to be displayed at the Smithsonian.

Back to the test kitchen

Isn't that the kind of story that makes you want to test-drive the Tunnel of Fudge Cake, just to see what the fuss is about? So I did. In a word: disappointment. The problem is that the Pillsbury frosting mix, a key ingredient in Helfrich's brilliant 1966 formula, is no longer in production. The company rejiggered Helfrich's recipe (available at www.pillsbury.com/recipes/) to get around the dropped mix, but I found the results to be a dud, more boring brownie than the splendidly gooey and magically fudgy-centered wonder I recalled from my childhood. "Without that frosting mix, it's just not the same cake," said Gullo. She's right. So here's where serendipity steps in once again. A few weeks ago, in search of an idea for dinner, I was thumbing through a recent issue of Cook's Country magazine. Wouldn't you know it: The "Lost Recipes" section was devoted to restoring the luster to Helfrich's fabled-but-tarnished legacy.

Cook's Country deputy editor Bridget Lancaster also was unhappy with the revised Pillsbury recipe and its pallid chocolate flavor and distinct absence of fudgy tunnel. So she got to work, and after two dozen failures she came up with a winner. While Lancaster's process is more involved than Helfrich's 15-minute recipe, the results are definitely worth baking. It's a real heavyweight, with a richly flavored, super-moist cake and a gooey, truly fudgy filling.

My one complaint lies in the oh-so-important chocolate glaze. Lancaster's recipe calls for corn syrup, an ingredient I try to avoid. So I turned to my baking guru, cookbook author Dorie Greenspan, for an answer; as always, she didn't let me down. Now I use her recipe for Chocolate Ganache Glaze, and it works like a charm. I think Helfrich would be pleased.

THANKS Rick Nelson • 612-673-4757

Magic Potatoes

2008-01-14T09:21:00.000-06:00

"One serving of skin-on potatoes (5.3-ounces) contains 720 mg of potassium, making it an excellent source of potassium. Runners-up in the potassium category include broccoli (540 mg per serving), bananas (400 mg per serving), tomatoes (360 mg per serving), and oranges (260 mg per serving).

Research indicates that most American adult women are getting less than half the recommended amount of potassium, and men's intake is only slightly better. Since approximately 30 percent of people with hypertension are unaware of their condition and only 34 percent of those with hypertension have it under control, increasing potassium intake would have a powerful impact on blood pressure, stroke, and possibly heart disease (Joint National Committee on Prevention, Detection, Evaluation and Treatment of High Blood Pressure)."

The Drunken Housewife sez'....MAKE POTATO WINE!!!!!!

Potato Wine

Serving Size : 1 Gallon
Ingredients:
3 pounds potatoes
4 pounds sugar
4 ounces of Chopped green or light colored raisins
2 lemons
2 oranges
1 tablespoon yeast (wine yeast works best)
1 teaspoon yeast nutrient (if unavailable use 2 more lemons)

Wash and scrub potatoes remove eyes and black spots. However, do not peel the potatoes. Grate potatoes into large pot and add 3 quarts of water. Bring to a boil and simmer fro a bout 15 minutes. Remove any scum that may be floating on top as it contains impurities you do not want in your wine. Continue to simmer until scum ceases to come up. Place the raisins and sugar into a two gallon (or bigger) container that you can put a lid on. Strain the water onto the raisins. Juice the oranges and lemons. Add yeast nutrient and enough water to make the whole amount into one gallon. Let the juice (also called must) sit for about a week. Make sure it is loosely covered so that air gets out but not in. (The fermentation will ensure that the air pressure forces the air out of the container. Siphon the must into a one gallon container with an airlock. (A balloon with a big mouth can be used in place of the airlock.) Transfer the wine into another gallon jug after about ten days to get rid of the sediment that gathers at the bottom of the jug. Let the wine sit in the second jug for about 6 months. The wine may then be bottled. Wait another 6 months to drink.

Potato wine can be used in the same way you would use vodka, only it has considerably less alcohol content.

The Bird & The Bee

2008-01-13T04:22:00.000-06:00

The Drunken Housewife thoroughly enjoyed The Bird & The Bee show @ The Varsity. Here is a review...

I wish she would have played some of her songs off of her solo effort 'All Rise.' In the end I was too hammered to remember any of the show but luckily I found the set-list online.

Setlist:

Preparedness
Man
La La La
Birds and the Bees
Again & Again
I’m a broken Heart
Because (new song)
Fucking Boyfriend
My Fair Lady
I Hate Camera
Polite Dance Song

Encore:
How Deep is Your Love

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Taken in (See more photos here)

Body Cartography

2008-01-13T04:19:00.000-06:00

1/13/2008 \| 7:00:00 PM
The Body Cartography Project Presents: Moving Image: Minnesota + special guest Elliott Durko Lynch

A series of dance films made across the land and cityscapes of Minnesota featuring Minneapolis performers Morgan Thorson, Karen Sherman, Kristin Van Loon, Colin Rusch, Bryce Beverlin II, Otto Ramstad and Olive Bieringa. This is the first screening of the entire series. Sunday January 13 at 7:00 pm (6:00 doors) $10 Buy Tickets Online

Polly's Pasta

2008-01-13T04:07:00.000-06:00

The Drunken Housewifes present Polly's special "BP" pasta, named after the filling station near our humble abode. The main ingredients however also all start with the letters B & P.

Basil Pesto (Bunch)

Black Pepper (Garlic Pepper & Italian Herb)

Bowtie Pasta (2 Boxes)

Balsamic (Plenty)

Tomatoes (Cherry & Sun-Dried)

ALL INGREDIENTS OPTIONAL

Loose Wallaby

2008-01-13T04:04:00.000-06:00

Someone got drunk in Champlin and let their pet wallby out. The Drunken Housewife suggests keeping tabs on your wallaby when you get wasted....

"A Wallaby escaped from a Minnesota man on Thursday morning. The man posted a lost pets notice on Craigslist, and he was able to recover the lost marsupial a day later. (Photo Courtesy of David Carlson)"

Dogs Are WInners

2008-01-13T03:48:00.000-06:00

"Rohling says Jagger may have lost a leg to cancer, but she didn't lose her heart.

"Probably about eight weeks after her surgery we were here at practice and she really wanted to get out there and play, and we let her go up to the box and she hit the box and got the ball. And so we backed her up a little and tried a couple jumps and she proved that she could still do it."

By now you've guessed that Jagger is back competing in the veteran's class and, well, she hasn't lost a step.

And the results haven't changed.

So that's the story of Jagger, a flyball champ with lots of rock, lots of roll. It definitely has a fairy tale ending. Here's hoping, Jagger lives happily ever after."

No Pants 2K8

2008-01-13T03:36:00.000-06:00

Click Here To Read More About NO PANTS 2K8 in NYC

Overall though, it was very fun, and I had a ton of people asking me why I wasn’t wearing pants, including a group of French tourists who asked me if today was No Pants Day in America.

I said ‘why do you ask?’ and she said ‘you’re not wearing pants!’

I replied ‘Yeah, I know, it’s pretty warm out today so I didn’t wear em.’

She asked ‘Oh yeah? And EVERYBODY else decided not to wear pants too?’

I looked around and said ‘I don’t know why any of those weirdos aren’t wearing pants…sorry.’

After the ride back downtown was over, a bunch of us went pantsless to Hearland Brewery, where we had some food and beers and persuaded a bunch more people to take off their pants. See you next year!"

Field Trip: Summit Brewery Tour

2008-01-11T19:15:00.001-06:00

Join The Drunken Housewife and her gal-pals when we visit The Summit Brewery in Saint Paul, Minnesota.

Saturday January 19th @ 1PM

Breast Exam: Round 2

2008-01-11T19:09:00.000-06:00

If your sound or video doesn't work on your computer, and you didn't get to hear the lovely British lady on the Breast Exam video....

Here is a hands-on diagram...

Breast Exam

2008-01-11T18:56:00.000-06:00

Jeopardy advertisements are sad and depressing, but useful!

Ladies, don't forget to get sauced and give yourself your monthly self-breast exam.

The Drunken Housewife suggests you find a cute young boy to administer yours.

Midnight Madness

2008-01-08T23:53:00.000-06:00

After Midnight The Drunken Housewife lets it all hang out...She can..

Cook

Clean

Copulate

She always purrr-forms into the depths of the night. As usual, she is best while enjoying a fine wine and a quick shine around your home.